Missing Bugface.

This is a very emotional day for me. Even after all these years the affect of what this day means to me is enormous. See, Bugface is my niece. She turned 9years old today. I miss her so much its like i have lost my own child.
I've not spent quality time with her since she was about 3 1/2 years old. I'm not her mother's favorite person. Never was. It was not for my lack of trying to be friends. But i've done some things that she didnt approve of and that was that. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with her when she was allowed to stay at my house over night. Thats when she was 5 years old. Amother 5 1/2 months go by and i see her right after she turned 6. She was so happy to see me and i ,her. It was like we just seen each other yesterday. This meeting was at a train station and we happened to ride the same bus. That was the last time i saw her. Wonder now if shes forgotten all about her TiTi?
My brother could have changed the outcome of this story. He's made some mistakes too but my niece's mom would never forgive him and after that Christmas she wouldn't let him see her anymore.
Buggy was growing into such a lovely little girl. Blonde curls and beautiful blue eyes. Oh,she looked so much like my brother. Especially when she was a baby. But she's not a baby anymore. Will i have to wait now til she is an adult and try to find her? I just dont know what to do? I can never forget about her. Does she think of me and her grandma?
I may never see her againe,but she will always be my Bugface.